Way of Life

For a website proclaiming itself as a tribute/guide to Mr. Sakurai, I can understand why the unproffessional and almost silly layout of this page (and whole website) may come off as mildly alarming. Please disregard these fun little designs as something that would raise skepticism. I seem to not only express my only passion and love for his career, but honor his value for the old, espressive, and experimental—and I would certainly consider this style of website experimental. I promise you I know, at least more than someone only lightly interested, what I'm talking about. I plan to include my resourses that I keep coming back to and consider most credible on the links page. I'm going to speak on this page very casually. I believe that critical thought should be prioritized above all; something should be considered credible because of its demeanor, experience, and thoughtfullness. Just because I, or others, do not speak like I'm reading a Wikipedia article, does not mean that my words are untrustworthy. Please enjoy.

Atsushi Sakurai was a man of passion. He felt very deeply, considering himself to suffer from both PTSD and HSP in his elderly years. He described shedding tears at the news of wars. He wrote songs full of longing for once lost lovers. He wrote of distress and insecurity. He wrote of what it felt like to hurt other people. He wrote about what it felt like to be hurt. He was full of life. I think his ability to feel deeply is what inclined him so much towards righteousness. He described, throughout his whole life, a desire to be a kinder person. He expressed aspirations to be rid of detest, judgement, and the like. This is very present in how he speaks of and interacts with other people. Innumberable individuals who've met him described his incredible graciousness and consideration. Staff and the band members said he never pushed for things and always encouraged them to do what felt best. Fans who have met him said he was rather humble and sweet. He seemed a lovely man.

This undoubtedly bled into his political and social values. Buck-Tick rarely wrote directly about politics (in Japan, can you blame them?) but frequently hinted at certain lifestyles. In 1995, Atsushi very clearly wrote in Rakuen of his dislike for people who turned a blind eye to the problems of this world (very obviously refering to the Middle Eastern wars), or evenw worse, shedding fake tears. Shortly proceeding 9/11, he wrote of singing and spreading the love all across the world, and put out my favorite line he's ever written: "Love your sorrowful enemy." In 2012, Yumemiru Uchuu was a masterpiece of an album, only declaring once again that we are all one. After 2015, he made a decision to stop "censoring himself" with Buck-Tick. From this, in my opinion, came his best work. He put his foot down with Atom Miraiha No.9, writing extensively of the current political atmosphere. Shedding his usual hope for rebirth and interconnectivity aside (save for New World), he bleakly pictured dystopian landscapes, delapitated figures mutated by radioactivity, torn loved ones, and planet Earth fading into a husk of what it once was after humanity was done with it. In No.0, they reached their experimental pique (production wise), and he returned to his writings of more mystical, theatric figures—this time, with much more layers of nuance and maturity. Abracadabra brought us all sorts of little esoteric nods to history, sociology, etc. In Izora, he wrote of the soldiers parted from their families and out killing others just like them. My point here is that he may not have been some giant political figure, but he irrefutably had his influence. He objected war heavily and spoke of us all having a responsibility to one another, and the actions of our species. It may not be our fault that we live in such a horrid world, but you must be the change you wish to see in the world.

You've probably noticed by now that his beliefs centered very heavily around Buddhist philosophy. I don't know much, so I won't act like I do, but I can say with a clear mind that this is true. Miserable and desperate after his mother's death in 1990 (as I've already described in his biography), he searched extensively for answers. This prompted his passion for theology and philosophy. Pardon my ignorance, but Buddhist philosophy circles very heavily around non-dualism. The belief that we are all one, that there would never be one thing without its other, is at the core of his songwriting. There is no light without darkness, no love without hate, no tomorrow without yesterday, and no up without down. It is these multitudes of juxtapositions that give things meaning. We wouldn't be thankful for the good things in life if there weren't any bad things. This leans into the belief that we are all one he pushed so heavily with Yumemiru Uchuu, and much more lightly across all of his work: I am you and you are me. The cycle of life is not just of us, but of everything. The ground pulsates beneath your feet with every crash of a distant wave, and the stars shine down warm, sunny rays of light on your nape. You, me, the animals, the plants, the metals, the dirt, and the entire solar system are all one—of the same proccess, of the same fate. Everything breathes in and breathes out together. Labels, borders, and hate are all silly, selfish shackles we must rid ourselves of. With every wrong you do, evaluate yourself. Act with grace and consideration towards yourself and never deny your own faults. That is what Buddhism influenced Atsushi into living like, and consequently write about.

This state of mind (and his unique, gothique soul) inclined him towards kindness. He spoke throughout his entire life of a desire to be kinder and more thoughtful to others. He wanted to be a good person, even if he'd struggled greatly in his youth. He quickly took a liking to goth art and living, not only reflecting in his interests and self expression, but how he behaved himself. He was always an oddball, and wrote shamelessly of drug use, sex, longing, and the like. He was open to sexual experimentation and had no judgements in his heart for anyone queer. In fact, Hizumi was inspired by a lifelong friend of his who happened to be a trans woman who passed away late in his life. The protagonist of that song that many think was mainly based after Atsushi (although it definitely was to a cetatin extent) was inspired by her (and there was that entire interview where he said he wouldn't be opposed to transitioning or loving men, and all the homoerotic things he's said on stage, and his eyebrow-raising relationship with Issay and others). As I mentioned earlier, he began to truly express himself without fear starting in 2015. That's what half a century in the spotlight will do to you! He expressed wanting to embody an ancient Japanese femininity. This is something he absolutely did. Style is a lost art: when people dress themselves in this day and age, they're wearing clothes. Something that was much more common in the past was for people to have their own personal style; people would have an essence around their clothes that just felt so incredibly suiting to them. Atsushi is the epitome of this. He kickstarted his 50s by beginning to rock lace/latex thigh-high stockings, shorts that barely covered his ass, and the most elegantly androgynous skirts and overcoats of all the lands. You could really tell that in his older years, he stopped prioritizing how aesthetics would sell and really started to see them as his own. With this, his performances and the art he created in his older years were—in my opinion—the rawest that he ever did. They hold a subtle nuance that can be mistaken for no other. He moves with elegance, grace, and most importantly, femininity. I think him saying he harbored an "ancient femininity of Japan" was the best choice of words. Watch the 2021 Show After Dark in Nippon Budokan performance of Iconoclasm and you'll see. Throughout his 50s, his gestures demonstrated incredibly poise and self-awareness. I know it sounds at this point like I'm just speaking out of my ass, but I swear with my whole soul that he did.

Deniable as it may be, there is no such thing as a lifestyle that doesn't include the arts (for a goth, at least). He spent his life chasing knowledge. Never in my life have I witnessed such a sponge for information. He was well-versed in the arts, knowing all sorts of painters, composers, authors, directors, etc. like the back of his hand. He understood history and the importance of teaching it, warning us frequently in his lyrics of what would happen if we were to forget. He adored philosophy, sociology, psychology, and theology like no other; he even named a song Metaphysical Meteor. He was a life-long scholar and nerd. What's all the more extraordinary isn't just that he knew these things, but the fact that he utilized them to create monumental art. Passion is only one side of the coin. You could be the wisest person on Earth and have not a single clue how to create; what's much more common (and worse), is loving to write or paint and filling your work with flowery, embellished words and vibrant colors, forgetting that aesthetics are meaningless (and harmful) without meaning or idealogy. Atsushi took the best of both worlds: he dedicated his time to learning, but spent just as much time sitting at his desk in the dark of night writing away. Truly good art can only be created by both a skilled hand and a trained mind.

Despite all of this wonder, he was an incredibly insecure and worrisome man. His fear of death plagued him as if the Grim Reaper himself was looming over him. He worried constantly of his own integrity, admitting himself into hospitals for being so deppressed and hopeless. It's terribly unfortunate, but I think it just goes to show how lovely it was that he was able to combat these conditions and make the most out of them. His phobia of death became his trademark: he is the signature artist for writing of two very, very humane things; Atsushi Sakurai was the king of Love and Death. We are born, we love, we die, and we are reborn. I don't even know how I would begin to describe his history with those two topics, so I'll leave it to you, my dear reader. Go listen to his music and read some of his lyrics. Indulge in this endless landscape of Heaven that is his worldivew.